This month is a month of one-year anniversaries for us. One year since I felt like my world fell apart. One year since I started walking through this dark providence. One year since God rescued me. One year since we experienced our quick and traumatic move to America. One year since saying good-bye to dear friends. One year of being a single mom. I have cried more during this past year than I ever thought possible. But I was thinking recently, that rather than marking my days of sorrow, I should rather mark them under God's grace. Afterall, I have one year of seeing God's faithfulness. One year of the comfort of the Holy Spirit being poured out in ways I had never known were possible before. I have more than 365 mornings that God has literally lifted me out of bed and set me on my feet. He has pushed me through every day, seen every tear, provided for every single need, given me every ounce of strength needed. And not only that, he has given us a measure of healing. Restored some joy. We have seen, especially in the last month or so, the sun start to peek out again. He has allowed my trauma brain fog to be lifted and a measure of restored hope that I will indeed "look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." (Psalm 27) I've come to the conclusion that marking God's time is more beneficial than marking my own days of sorrow. It encourages me keep the eyes of faith which see God and say, "He is enough." This picture is from the Entebbe airport parking lot. The big kids and I were struggling with a broken suitcase and weighing the luggage. And in that moment, the littles were struggling with broken hearts and the weight of all that was happening. But when I looked over at them, I knew that one day they'd be okay because in their own personal desperation, they had dug out their Bibles from their backpacks and were soaking in the Psalms while they sat waiting for us to finish.
One year later, I can say that God has never failed us. No, not once. The pain has been intense, but so has his love. I have one more big day that is coming that I'm still struggling to see my way through: May 27 --what would have been my 20th wedding anniversary. I'm asking that you please pray for strength to walk through it, that I'll keep my eyes on Christ, and that God will wrap his arms around me on that day, just as he has done so many times this past year. I have also seen this past year how he has continually used the prayers and love of his people to minister to my heart and this upcoming day just feels like a big one right now that I need a lot of prayer for. So thank you! "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him, he also hears their cry and saves him." Psalm 145:18-19.
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Yesterday we enjoyed springtime and sunny weather! Talitha said to her sisters, "Lets go outside and smell ALL the flowers...we can't leave a single one unsmelled!" It's been many years since we've experienced spring and many years longer since I've had spring in the south. It truly is glorious.
We have been crazy busy this past week unpacking because our container came from Uganda! We are so so thankful to have all of our worldly belongings back. We only had about 24 hours after we realized that we would not be back to Uganda any time soon before we left Mbale. Since emotions were running high, we weren't even really thinking well. We moved a few things around, threw in our photo albums, but otherwise we took what we had in our suitcases and left. Nothing in the house was packed up and honestly, I wasn't even sure if we'd ever see our things again. This container has surely been God's grace to us: a sure sign that he cares for us tenderly and meets us in our weakness. This past week has been yet another week of being content to live in paradox. We are so thrilled to have our things, but grieving heavily again, as the Uganda chapter of our lives is officially at an end. We're left with memories in our heart and quite a bit of African dust on our books. I am so grateful to our team for doing the hard work of packing up someone else's belongings and organizing for and packing the container. I'm also thankful to the head office of the Orthodox Presbyterian Church for their kindness to us in shipping the container. We have been loved so well by so many people. Seven years ago, we got an empty container delivered to our house in Oregon, to pack up our lives and take them to Uganda. The kids were so excited about the adventure that awaited them. I thought they were so brave! Now we're back. Those same kids are facing a whole new adventure. Now, I know that they are incredibly brave. It takes so much courage to walk the path they've walked and hold on to joy and hope like they have. I'm more proud of them now than I ever have been before. Please keep praying for us as we continue to walk through so many adjustments. The latest adjustment is that I have moved from working part-time at our Christian school to full-time. I'm so very thankful for the work, and I'm thankful that God has eased us slowly from the "homeschool mom" life to the "working mom" life. The three littles are doing well in school. The four middle ones that are still homeschooling are able to come to school with us and do their schoolwork from there. It has been so wonderful to be able to connect multiple times during the day. The oldest ones that are doing dual enrollement have their own crazy typical college schedules that they are enjoying for the most part. God continues to guide us one step at a time. I have had to force myself not to think too much on the future as I get too overwhelmed, but when I see how God has taken such amazing care of us thus far, I know he will around the corner too.
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Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19 Archives
August 2020
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